life's a bitch; i've got a trophy wife.

Me: *handing my mom a beer* Dr. Phil said no alcohol 4-6 hours before bed.
Mom: *looks at the green tea in my hand* He said no caffeine either.
Me: Whatever, Dr. Phil doesn't know my life.

Oh if only they knew.

I’m greedy, I’m rude, I’m impatient but I’ll love you the way no one else ever could.

You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you’ve met she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole deal, that’s what intimacy is all about. Nobody knows the answer in the whole world, but the only way to find out is by giving it a shot.

“

—	Good Will Hunting

disappointed.

a part of my family is so moneyfucked, it’s disgusting. i hope i never have to live that way.

Rules for Life.

Rule 1) if you are ugly, don’t try and look cute. embrace it
Rule 2) if you are too fat to fit into a XXL then kill yourself before heart disease does.
Rule 3) if you are either a creepy asian or a dirty mexican, you’re not allowed to play the game.
Rule 4) if you are a girl you ARE NOT EVER allowed to wear a baseball cap

mormon.

Savannah: I want to be mormon.
Savannah: I want like nine husbands.
Madison: Only if they're celebs
Savannah: Noooope.
Madison: Why do you want a bunch of husbands?
Savannah: Because I'm greedy.