life's a bitch; i've got a trophy wife.
Rules for Life.

Rule 1) if you are ugly, don’t try and look cute. embrace it
Rule 2) if you are too fat to fit into a XXL then kill yourself before heart disease does.
Rule 3) if you are either a creepy asian or a dirty mexican, you’re not allowed to play the game.
Rule 4) if you are a girl you ARE NOT EVER allowed to wear a baseball cap